Double-Edged Sword

(Warning...opinionated mother thoughts ahead.)

I know I've talked about fundraising for adoptions before. It seems to be a hot-button issue in the adoption world. In the one camp, you have people who adamantly insist that if you can't afford to adopt, you shouldn't. In the other camp, you have people who can very well afford to raise another child, but might need a little help raising the money for plane tickets and agency fees. Both camps feel strongly. Both camps have some valid points. And my bottom line is that if someone feels led to generously give, it's not my place to deny them the blessing. Likewise, I'm not going to ask virtual strangers to finance my family's life change. When it comes to fundraising, I like to see some sort of product given in return (such as the sale of an item.)

But in the midst of all the vocal people (mostly adoptive families) who are adamantly against fundraising, I also see feel-good articles about adoption. On these articles, 80% of the people commenting say they'd love to adopt if they have the money. (For the record...you DON'T have to be rich to adopt...we certainly aren't. And there are great grant organizations and other non-profits that will help you find ways to pay those fees and travel costs.)

So the message I'm seeing is that you should only adopt if you have money. Hang on...when did children finding families become about money?

There are a lot of things that we were able to give up. Our girls go without a lot of things their peers have. But our girls have a family.

Please...can't we all stop throwing our stones and focus on more important things?

A Tealightful Opportunity

Last February, a friend held a tea party fundraiser for our trip to China. Well...after spending some time praying about it, I decided to become a consultant myself. I'm not a salesperson. I don't want to be pushy. But I do love tea. And I've been praying about a way to give back to others the way my friend gave to us.

So now I'm in the world of direct sales, trusting God to determine a profit margin, and giving all proceeds to orphan/foster ministries.

I had my first party earlier this month. An open house at my place. I was pleased with it's success. Praying for more opportunities in the future (and enjoying my tea in the meantime.)

A very cold, windy outdoor vendor fair with my friend Tina. Got a lot of great tips.

A variety of teas. I love the different hues.

I think I'm going to love this dispenser!

Scone mixes

Black raspberry dip on the top...YUM!

Getting ready for the party

Information

Hot teas

Lucky Lemonade

Dayna and our new neighbors have been having a grand time the last few weeks. They still haven't moved in (we can't wait!), but are spending a lot of time here and there while their parents continue fixing up the house.

Last week, the girls got to work and created a "business plan" for a lemonade stand. They made fliers, canvassed the neighborhood, and spent three hours selling lemonade, popcorn and freezer pops. They had a little marketing help from my Facebook account and the local small business page.

I love small-town living. The police chief came by for a drink. The local newspaper editor came by to take pictures. A neighbor even bought a glass before AND after his walk. By the end of the day, their profits were over $30, leaving each girl just over $10 to spend as she liked. Dayna has already shared that she wants to give half of hers to orphans. Bless her heart! (Dayna was wearing a cap so she could look like a "lunch lady.")

Time for Tea

To follow up with my fundraising post, we are coming off the most amazing two weeks. My neighbor and friend, Tina, is a consultant for Tealightful Teas. She offered to help us with an amazing fundraiser, that's very close to my heart. Last Saturday, we held a large tea party at a local church. This is a church we don't attend, but they donated their space to us. Tina and I found 5 different hosts (plus my mom who is selling via catalog in Oregon) for this tea party. One of the hosts doesn't even know us, yet felt she wanted to help out. Tina generously offered to forgo her commission from all sales and give them to us. (And when I discovered this was the biggest party she'd ever done, I knew this was a gracious gift indeed.)

While she was working away and planning her party, Tina found two other friends who also have businesses with direct sales. Victoria lives in Iowa (and we're pretty sure we're somehow related on my grandmother's side) and drove here with her Scentsy and Norwex products. She also offered to give our family a cut of her sales. And Danielle is selling Miche bags on our behalf. I'm absolutely stunned that complete strangers would go to such lengths to help a little girl come home.

So on Saturday, dozens of us gathered in a small church basement, drinking tea and eating scones. If you know me, you'll know that I'm a complete tea snob. I'm extremely picky about the tea I drink. The Tealightful products are wonderful. I spent a day surrounded by people who love my family and supported us through something I love. I honestly don't know how God could have tailored a more perfect weekend for us. It was one of those moments when I just sit back and watch God work.

We are blessed indeed to have the friends we do.

If you want to give back to Tina and the other ladies, I would strongly encourage you to check out their businesses and support them. You can make inquiries in the comments and I'll hook you up with them.

The Fundraising Dilemma

I continue to be humbled and amazed (although I shouldn't be) at the way God continues to provide for our adoption.

The issue of fundraising can be a sticky one in adoption circles. On the one hand, it can give the impression that you are "buying" a child. (There's a big difference between buying a plane ticket and buying a child.) There are those who believe if you can't afford the adoption, you can't afford to have another child. Some believe that those who help with fundraising might feel they have some sort of ownership of the child, a "look what I did" mentality. It seems those who are against fundraising are quite vehement in their stance.

On the other hand, some people feel led to give generously. They know they are not called to adopt, but can help the orphan by helping offset a family's costs. And who am I to forbid someone the blessing of giving as they see fit? And the reality is, giving birth often involves something called insurance. I don't want to make light of the medical bills a family incurs when a child is born to them. I know that this can be a very real issue. But a family's deductibles and out-of-pocket insurance maximums usually don't come close to the total figure of adoption fees, background checks, travel expenses, post-placement visits (China now requires 5! Several hundred dollars each time), etc. Most families choosing to adopt are average run-of-the-mill families like ours. And we often don't have tens of thousands of dollars lying around.

So after some prayer, we have taken the following course when it comes to fundraising: we are not asking anyone for money, but we are making the giving opportunity available as people ask. This summer, my parents and their friends generously threw a yard sale on our behalf. We have also found creative ways to raise money as a family. Dan is selling a bunch of LEGOs. I'm teaching piano lessons. We're taking advantage of Facebook and local online garage sales by selling off some of the things we don't use anymore. Dayna is even collecting the seeds from her apples so she can grow seedlings and sell apple trees (bless her for the idea!)

We have applied for grants, and we have been able to set up an adoption account through Lifesong for Orphans, where people can give on our behalf. We receive 100% of the donation (unless Paypal is used...they keep a small cut), and donations are tax deductible.

It's been really fun the last 6 weeks watching God throw open the floodgates and bless our family. Often a few dollars at a time. Somehow, I know He will provide. And He will provide abundantly. We are SO excited to see what's in store the next few weeks.

Necessity

Our Own "Gift of the Magi" Story

Twelve years ago, a tradition was born out of desperation. For our wedding, a friend bought us an angel food cake pan and box of cake mix. A few months later, Dan's first birthday came...two days before payday. We were poor. I literally had $.69 in change (from the laundry money...we lived in an apartment and had to pay for our laundry.) I figured we had a cake pan and cake mix, and angel food was Dan's favorite.

Imagine my surprise when I came home from work and discovered the mix was for a spice cake. So there I sat, with $.69 to my name, and nothing to make for Dan. I pulled out a cookbook (another wedding present) and found a recipe for angel food cake. The only thing we didn't have was a dozen eggs. So, I said a prayer, took a deep breath, and prayed for a miracle. (Okay...I prayed that there would be a significant sale on cake mixes.)

In true O'Henry fashion, I took my $.69 to the grocery store. To my dismay, there were NO sales on cake mixes. But...I could buy a dozen eggs for $.66.

That night, I made an angel food cake from scratch. Hands down, the best cake I have ever made. Dan took one bite, sighed in ecstasy, and informed me that I could make this cake every year for his birthday.

So, for the twelfth straight year, I've got a homemade angel food cake in the oven. The timer should beep any minute now.

Happy birthday, Dan!

My Friday Night Frenzy Bargains

After the stress of the insurance debacle, I decided it was time to do something different on Friday. So, Dayna and I headed into Lincoln to do some school clothes shopping (is it time already!?) I must say, we scored at Kohl's. 4 outfits + a package of really cute socks for $65. I saved $73, picked up Kohl's cash for next time, and will receive an additional 15% of a future order. Not bad! Dayna was so cute in the fitting room...striking a pose and dancing around (often while not fully clothed as I was trying to pop a shirt over her head!)

From the store, we ran to Hy-Vee where I had my daily Facebook deal in hand. (If you live near Lincoln, and you haven't become a fan yet, you really need to check out their page and join.) I was supposed to get a large one-topping pizza for $2.99. At the checkstand, the pizza rang up for $5.00 and they gave me $4.00 off. That's right...pizza for the family for one dollar. And...I might add that it was one of the tastiest pizzas I've eaten in awhile! I'm definitely remembering that option for a night that Dan gets to be the "dinner hero."

We took that pizza to Dan's work and ate it quickly in the cafeteria before heading to our evening entertainment:


Earlier in the week, Dan had helped a coworker set up her new laptop. In an unnecessary act of generosity, she paid Dan a small amount for his time. It happened to be the perfect amount to pay for admission for the three of us.

Financially speaking, last night was a huge win.

Now...on to the movie...we have been reading the Ramona books to Dayna all summer. It has been so much fun for her to have the family time (us, too!) I have thoroughly enjoyed the trip down memory lane. I LOVED the Ramona books as a child. Growing up on the east side of Portland, I totally related to the Quimby family. I was disappointed when I got a little older and realized that not every child had a view of Mount Hood from their classroom window.

Well, I was so pleased to see that the movie was indeed set in Portland. I would have been so upset if they put it anywhere else, or even in a "nameless" city. Beyond that, the movie really kept to the integrity of the books. It's difficult to take books that span 7 years of a girl's life and put them in a few month's time. But the key parts of the stories were all represented. It was a fresh, modern take on the books, but I never felt that the director or screenwriters were taking liberties. I also found myself completely engaged in the movie. With Selena Gomez, I thought it would be geared to the pre-teen crowd, but Dan & I were both engrossed in the film. (Don't tell...I even teared up a little bit at the end.) Because we had spent all the time reading, Dayna also followed the movie well...she was the youngest in attendance by about 4 years.

All in all...a great movie, and a great series of books!

Responsibility System

I've been praying this summer about how to instill more of a sense of responsibility in Dayna, as well as finding a routine that will fit our family's "new normal" in August once Dayna starts school and I return to work full-time.

This week, a friend on Facebook posted a link to a great resource: the Fisher-Kids system. (Click here for more details.) I absolutely love the philosophy and motivation behind this system. Teaching kids that they are part of a team, that they earn rewards and are not entitled to them, learning wise (and dare I say, Biblical) financial skills...this just makes sense to me.
Unfortunately, I don't have the money to invest in their system (but if it works for you, I say go for it!) We did find a way to make it work for us, though, at an investment of around $20.00. I still plan on buying 3 little piggy banks for Dayna (Give, Save, Spend), and some play quarters to represent her "Commission". (They will be magnetized on to her board.)

So, this is how we made it work for Dayna:

Daily Responsibilities (these are expectations...she receives no monetary compensation for them, it's just part of being on Team Wilson):

1. Make bed
2. Get dressed
3. Clear dishes
4. Empty box (we all have a box now for our stray things)
5. School work
6. Tidy room
7. Brush teeth

These are represented by a yellow stick. When she completes them, she moves the stick to the empty pail.


Weekly chores (she will have to complete an assigned number each day, excluding Sunday; she will receive 1 quarter for each chore completed. Dayna helped choose most of these tasks.):

1. Pick up basement (putting stray items in appropriate boxes)
2. Pick up living room (same)
3. Vacuum stairs
4. Sweep under kitchen table
5. Spot clean kitchen floor
6. Wipe toilet and bathroom sink
7. Gather and sort laundry
8. Fold laundry (as she is able)
9. Dust living room
   
10. Mom's choice
11. Dad's choice
12. Free chore (extending grace and giving her the occasional day off when least expected)

These are represented by a red stick. Once completed, they go in the empty pail, and she can move the magnetic quarter to her weekly "commission bank." There are more chores to choose than she will have to do in a week. This adds to the randomness, and also shows that Mom & Dad are helping get things done as well...she doesn't have to do EVERYTHING. (I am aware that there are many things Mom & Dad do that aren't on sticks.)
Sunday is a day of rest and worship. It is also the day that she can collect the quarters she earned in the week.

She will need to fill out a slip of paper telling us what she earned.

For now, from her earnings, she will be expected to give at least one quarter to church and save at least one quarter for the bank (we will start taking regular trips to the bank). The rest of the quarters are for her to save short-term and spend with our guidance.

We are all excited to start our new system on Monday. I love the fact that it looks pretty cute hanging in her room as well.

Caveat Emptor

Life's lessons learned...We're hotel people. We love staying in hotels. Now that we have a family member in the Marriott business, we stay in some lovely places for the same price as the "budget" hotels. We're pretty hotel savvy...you know, give them your card number to hold the room, and they charge you when you actually stay.

So, we book a hotel out of the country for our anniversary next month. For some unknown reason, we use the bank card instead of the credit card, and we use an internet discount hotel site. Imagine our surprise when this site charges our card immediately and we're socked with $255 in overdraft fees. It's not a problem that we were charged right away...we had the money in savings to cover it. The surprise is that we didn't know it would happen. (This is the lesson for all of you who didn't know these internet sites work this way!)

I call our banker and ask what he can do. We're one of those families that lives within our means, doesn't overspend or rely on credit, etc. We live pretty simply. Suddenly our three nights in a hotel for our anniversary is costing us well over $500. We've been good customers of the bank, haven't overdrawn the account in years. No dice...our banker won't reverse *any* of the charges.

I'm in tears at this point...how in the world can I get an anniversary gift (our tenth, by the way) for my husband when we can't even afford the getaway now? Frustrated with the bank, frustrated with the internet company...

I did call the hotel company...they were sympathetic, but it really wasn't their fault...we will be getting $60 credit to use again. But what about all those bank charges? It was really ridiculous that my personal banker wouldn't even consider it. It's now after 5:00 on a Friday, and I didn't want to spend my weekend stressing about this. Then, I discovered our bank's headquarters are on the West Coast. Yippee!!!! So...long story short, a very nice lady at the headquarters (whom I've never met, unlike my banker) reverses over half of the charges. Don't know what Dan's getting for our anniversary now, but he'll at least get something :)

Lessons learned: 1. read the fine print; 2. use your credit card and not your bankcard...the transaction can be reversed, but the bank fees aren't so easy.