Orphan Sunday

This year for Orphan Sunday, Dayna was asked to share a Scripture verse at church. This brave girl got up in front of both services. With her new orthodontic device in her mouth (and difficulty with speech), she very clearly shared Psalm 68:5-6:

A father to the fatherless, a defender of

widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets

the lonely in families. 

So proud of our girl!

A Tealightful Opportunity

Last February, a friend held a tea party fundraiser for our trip to China. Well...after spending some time praying about it, I decided to become a consultant myself. I'm not a salesperson. I don't want to be pushy. But I do love tea. And I've been praying about a way to give back to others the way my friend gave to us.

So now I'm in the world of direct sales, trusting God to determine a profit margin, and giving all proceeds to orphan/foster ministries.

I had my first party earlier this month. An open house at my place. I was pleased with it's success. Praying for more opportunities in the future (and enjoying my tea in the meantime.)

A very cold, windy outdoor vendor fair with my friend Tina. Got a lot of great tips.

A variety of teas. I love the different hues.

I think I'm going to love this dispenser!

Scone mixes

Black raspberry dip on the top...YUM!

Getting ready for the party

Information

Hot teas

Back to Africa

Some of you may remember a little trip to Africa Dayna wanted to take when she was four. She really wanted to feed orphans, so she packed suitcases, and gave up one of her scone dollars to buy a treat at church. That dollar grew as people around the country heard about her story. Within a few days, it became over $1,000. We were able to pack food (4,000 meals) to send to The Raining Season, an orphanage in Sierra Leone.

Flashback posts:
http://wilson24-15.blogspot.com/2009/11/reaping-and-sowing-part-3.html
http://wilson24-15.blogspot.com/2009/11/it-just-keeps-growing.html
http://wilson24-15.blogspot.com/2009/11/latest-update-on-daynas-dollar.html

Well, last year, I stopped to visit with Dayna's Spanish teacher one day. Lo and behold, I find that she and her husband have been involved with this very same orphanage! Earlier this month, she and two other teachers from Dayna's school traveled to Sierra Leone to spend a week working at The Raining Season. Megan Laune was Dayna's first grade teacher. With her permission, I'd love to share about their trip. (They even took a picture of Dayna with them, and one of the caretakers there made a bracelet for Dayna that was just delivered by Mrs. Laune last week.)

You'll definitely want to take the time to read each day's post.

http://mmlaune.blogspot.com/p/africa.html?showComment=1371845898797

Commands and Callings

Mommy Wars. We have them over everything: education choices, whether or not to seek employment, breastfeeding. It seems that there is so much judgment and so little conversation. (And I confess, I'm probably guilty myself. I do hold some pretty strong opinions.) At the end of the day, what's really important? I believe that it's whether or not we've lived our lives to glorify God and do what's best for our family.

So I was quite happy on Sunday to hear our pastor address the fact that God's universal commands are not the same as an individual's calling.

Let me give an example. We are ALL commanded to care for orphans (James 1:27 among others). This isn't a "cause". It's a command.

But does that mean that all of my friends should go out and adopt just because we did? Of course not. Caring for orphans and adopting a child are not the same thing. I have one friend who uses her background as a music therapist to travel the world and offer her services to orphans and underprivileged children. Other friends take their gently used clothes to the local foster care closet. Another friend offers to pray for my family as we prepare to meet Annie. There are a multitude of ways to care for orphans. Adoption is just one of them.

God's universal command to care for orphans is not the same as my family's call to adopt two of them.

So why..why...why do so many Christians feel that what is right for their family is what every family should do? This has really filled a lot of my thoughts the past few years as I struggled with working full-time outside the home. I felt there was little support from my church for moms like me who tried to keep everything balanced.

I stumbled across this blog tonight and absolutely loved what she had to say. Please let me know what you think.

http://jenwilkin.blogspot.com/2013/02/christian-subculture-and-stay-at-home.html

Let's celebrate the fact that God calls us in different ways to achieve His ultimate glory.

Praying for the Russian Children

This little bit of news seems to be slipping in under the radar. I'm not sure of all the ins and outs, but it seems that the Russian Government is playing a dangerous political game at the cost of their neediest children.

It seems an odd way to prove you're not committing crimes against humanity by issuing what could equal a death sentence to so many children. I just don't understand why kids need to be the pawns in a political war.

Join me in praying for the orphans of Russia.

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/opinion/article/an-adoption-law-only-king-herod-would-sign/473516.html

My Baby Wrote Me Some Letters

HS - check (Home Study)
USCIS - check (United States Center for Immigration Services)
DTC - check (Dossier to China)
LID - check (Log In Date)
LOI - check (Letter of Intent)
PA - check (Pre-Approval)

What do all of these mean? Our family has been cleared and approved by the State of Nebraska, US Dept of Homeland Security, and the Chinese government to bring home a little girl. As of today, we can officially publish her information. Enjoy the video in the next post. (You'll have to scroll down.)

Somewhere...

Somewhere out there...remember that old song Feivel the mouse sang in An American Tail? That song is on my mind tonight as I'm thinking of a woman...somewhere out there. A woman who is remembering a night seven years ago when she was laboring over a small baby. A baby who was born helpless. Unable to eat. Unable to get the proper nourishment to survive. Somewhere there is a woman who cared for nine months to nurture her unborn child...a beautiful girl she would not be able to raise. Somewhere out there...whoever you are...I thank you tonight. Your baby girl is beautiful. She is smart. She is kind. She is compassionate. She is a tribute to the courageous woman you must be. I wish you could see her as she dances and twirls everywhere she goes. I wish you could hear her giggle as her daddy tucks her in at night. I wish you could feel the sweet press of her now-repaired lip as she kisses and smooches everything she loves. I wish you could smell the scent of her long beautiful hair after it dries from her bath. I hope you know that somewhere out there...I'm praying for you tonight.

Orphan Sunday Pictures

We had quite the children's choir...unpredictable...making a joyful noise! It was good to see so many families touched by adoption. Enjoy the pictures.

Orphan Sunday 2011

Today was Orphan Sunday. This is the third year we've observed Orphan Sunday and the first year we've had a significant portion of the service set aside. Today, we had a family interviewed about their adoption experience, as well as a children's choir of kiddos from around the world (and their siblings, friends, cousins...) singing some poignant (well, that was the intention, anyway) songs about God's love for children.

So...the sound system was off, and the monitors gave screeching feedback, and sweet Levi belted out every fourth word into the microphone; another child kept falling across the stage in a perfect comedy act.

Don't know how well the message came off, but the children who were singing "I Am not Forgotten" won't be forgotten anytime soon!

Enjoy the video...a few of the faces from our church touched by adoption. The song is "One Less" by Matthew West.

Necessity

Orphan Sunday is Coming

Orphan Sunday from DTJ on Vimeo.

What are you going to do?

Adoption, Birthmothers, and Theology

These thoughts were penned today by a dear friend of mine who is celebrating her son's second birthday today. Maralee has two children, one adopted from Liberia, and one adopted through the foster care system. She is currently fostering another precious little girl as well.

Adoption is a funny thing. Most days I am just a very busy mother, but some days adoption thoughts seem overwhelming. I know not all adoptive parents may wrestle with the thoughts, ideas, and language of adoption, but I do. I want to be thinking about things from all sides. I want to think about how my kids will someday view their adoption and the circumstances surrounding it. I want to think about the men and women who contributed their genes and gave my children the gift of life. How do they think about adoption and how would they want me to explain it to their biological children?

A lot of factors seem to be coming together in my life right now to further shape my theology of adoption. First of all, my son is turning two tomorrow. It makes me think about how for a few days he lay in the NICU before I met him. He belonged to the State of Nebraska, but had no mother by his side. When I think how much joy he brings to me each day, how blessed I am to get to experience his life, how I would give my life to protect him it is hard for me to fathom that for those few days he may have seemed to the outside world to be “unwanted”. He was so very wanted, he just didn’t know it yet. And I think about his first mother and the emotions she must have been wrestling with that day.

I have also been having conversations with a friend about adoption and the reality of parenting a child you didn’t birth. There is so much that is beautiful about adoption, but especially for the family that has already been blessed by biological kids there are some scary aspects, too. One of those scary things can be imagining birthparent involvement. It has been hard for me to express how this idea of birthparent involvement that once scared me off of domestic adoption entirely is now one of its biggest selling points to me.

And then there is the blog reading I’ve been doing. I have been so frustrated I find myself shaking my fist at the computer screen. I have been reading the blogs of angry birthmothers and it is heartbreaking to me to see their view of adoption and of adoptive parents. I hate it, but I think it is important to challenge the typical views and realize that my kids may run into these ideas in their own lives. I have been amazingly blessed to have friendships with two women who made adoption plans for their babies (they were my friends long before I knew that fact about them) and do not share the views of these angry ladies. And just because I have an educational moment here- please don’t say “gave up her baby for adoption” because these women are far from giving up on their babies by making an adoption plan, and please don’t say “put their baby up for adoption” because it is language originally used to describe how older orphaned children in the Orphan Train days were put up on a stage so prospective parents could look them over. That is not how I want the adoption of my children described. I like “placed them for adoption”, but “made an adoption plan” is even better. Moving on-

So all of this has gotten me thinking about the Biblical idea of adoption. We like to acknowledge a common spiritual adoption for those who claim Christ. This is a beautiful idea and very scriptural. So why are there those in the adoption community, particularly birthparents, who find it hard to swallow? I think we need to identify the elements common to spiritual adoption and literal adoption and acknowledge that there are differences. I am no theologian and I’m sure there are already scholars who have put these thoughts out there better than I am going to, but this is what I’ve been contemplating.

In both spiritual adoption and legal adoption there is nothing the adoptee can do to earn their adoption. I love that and I want my kids to never feel like they have to earn my love because they are adopted. In spiritual and legal adoption the parent accepts the child as though born to them with all the rights and privileges. In Daniel’s adoption proceedings we had to agree that he had all rights to our inheritance (little though it may be) just as a child born to us would. I love that in our spiritual adoption there is the same concept- we are called “sons of God” and we are given rights to a spiritual inheritance. I think there is even a deeper concept of the Jewish people as God’s original plan and the rest of us as the grafted in. We now have the chance to receive the benefits of being God’s chosen people the same way the Jews did. For my friends who adopt after having biological kids, I think this is particularly meaningful.

So why is this idea distasteful to some people? When we talk about our spiritual adoption, we often speak of what we were “saved” from. Because we are now children of God, we are saved from the consequences of our sin. Saved from the life we used to live. Saved from hopelessness, despair, a pointless existence. I have found in talking to adoptive parents, we detest the idea that we “saved” our kids. We don’t like it when people use language that implies it- when people talk about what good people we are to have adopted our child. We see only how amazing our child is and how blessed we are to love them, so why would loving them make us “good”? If those people are right, it would stand to reason that our child should spend the rest of their life trying to pay us back with a heart of gratitude to earn our continued favor. That is not the relationship I want from my child. I want him to chose to love me because of the relationship we build, not because of the fact that there may have been difficult circumstances if he had stayed in his birth environment. I think that’s what God wants from us too, although I think it is impossible to not have that heart of gratitude when we realize what we truly were saved from. This makes spiritual adoption different from legal adoption- what we were saved from is a reality we know, what our children may or may not have been “saved” from is purely speculation and has nothing to do with why they are loved.

I also see this idea being hurtful to birth families. I’m not just guessing about that, there are plenty of blog posts from both birth families and adopted adults about how people communicating to them that spiritual adoption and legal adoption are the same thing was detrimental to them and their understanding of the Gospel. If we think about what we’re communicating the alternative is in spiritual adoption- if we were not “adopted”, then we deserve hell- what are we communicating to the birthmother? This made me start to consider the biblical examples of adoption and birthparents. Does the adoption analogy have its limits? I think it does.

When thinking about Biblical birthparents I like to look at Moses. There is so much meat in that story, but what if we’re just looking at the example there of birthparent? That mother loved her son and made a very literal adoption plan for him based on his best interests. I’m sure it was heartbreaking to her and she didn’t know how it would turn out- would she ever have a relationship with him? But she did what was best for that child in spite of the pain it caused her. As transracially adoptive parents we look to Moses as inspiration- God, let us raise our child in a way that they could meaningfully return to their birth culture. Did having contact with his birthmother even if it was just as an infant make that easier for Moses? She did not cease to be meaningful to his life just because she did not raise him to adulthood.

When I think of birthmothers, I also think of Hannah. We generally just think of her as an example of a godly woman battling infertility and her story has great meaning from that perspective. But we also see she chose to dedicate that child to God and allow him to be raised by Eli in the temple. Sounds like an adoption plan to me. Was this because she didn’t want him or was being irresponsible? Nope. It was totally out of obedience and because she felt that was what was best for her son.

I’m not even going to begin to try and unpack the idea of God as “birthfather” by sending Jesus. I would hate to be blasphemous in any way. We do see Joseph as an adoptive father loving and raising a child not biologically related to him. I’ll let you think through your own thoughts on the benefits to Jesus if he had been able to stay with his Father.

So all these thoughts lead me back to this idea that it is important as an adoptive parent I’m not communicating to my child that I rescued them or extend the spiritual adoption analogy in such a way that makes them feel uncomfortable about their birth families. And I want to be a wee bit aggressive about not letting other people do that to my kids, not only because I love my kids but because I deeply love their first mothers. I want my kids to see the Biblical examples of adoption as examples of love from all sides. I’m not saying that the birthparents of my children were perfect or that I intend to minimize the sad circumstances that brought them into my life. I think my kids have sadder stories than most and I hate for them to bare that burden, but I also know I can’t spare them from it. My job is to be honest about their birthparents and to give them information as they are able to handle it. And to express that information with as much love and gentleness as I can. I don’t think we’ll do a perfect job or that by doing it this way I can help my child avoid having “adoption issues”, I just want my children to know that my total and unconditional love for them extends outward and down into their biological roots.

Adoption is messy. It makes family trees into family forests. It stretches us beyond what we may have pictured for our lives. It forces us to answer tough questions and question what answers we thought we knew. But it is also just parenting and loving a child you chose to give your family name. It is the most rewarding endeavor I have ever been part of and I’m so thankful for the wide circle of people to love it has brought into my life.

Happy birthday, Danny! I’m so thankful for the mom who gave you life and so thankful for the mom you’ve helped me become.

Bright Children International

I wrote last June about a project one of my college friends was putting together. You can read about it here.

She now has her foundation and is ready to go. Please take a minute to find out more about Bright Children International and how my friend plans to go find a way for special needs children all over the world get appropriate therapies and help so they can live the lives God intended.

Many of these precious children are never given a chance at life because of their conditions. My friend and Bright Children International are finding a way to give them a chance.

Please...check it out!

2010 in Review

Here's a sampling of favorite blog posts (or life changing lessons) through the year:

January:
Stop and Lick the Beaters

February:
Reflections on Peace

March:
Children Learn What They See...

April:
Double bonus!
Mixed Feelings
Farewell Four

May:
Lincoln Half Marathon

June:
Terror: Tantrum or Trust?

July:
My Story

August:
"Back"-to-school double feature!
New Clothes
Dayna's First Day of School

September:
The Power of a Moment

October:
Coexist?

November:
From the Heart of a Child

December:
The Maker of Noses

Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

From the Heart of a Child

Dinner conversation at Panda Express was about Orphan Sunday tomorrow:

Dayna~What's an orphan?

Mom~An orphan is a boy or a girl who doesn't have a mommy or a daddy.

Dayna~So was I an orphan?

Mom~You were, but you aren't anymore!

Dayna (to Dad)~Were you an orphan?

Dad~No, I wasn't an orphan.

Mom~Did you know that there are over 143 million orphans in the world? That's why we're telling people about it at church tomorrow.

Dayna~What can I do to help an orphan?

Mom and Dad share several ideas.

Dayna~Can we go buy some clothes now to send to Gutian (the orphanage where she once lived)?

Mom & Dad~ABSOLUTELY!

Panda Express was conveniently located near Wal-Mart. A half hour later, we were walking out with warm clothes for older boys and girls, several pairs of thick socks, some fun baby toys and knit winter hats. We have to restrain Dayna from packing everything up tonight!

I'm so glad to see her generosity.

Presidential Proclamation

Whatever your political leaning, this is pretty cool.

Identity

I've been reading some interesting adoption blogs lately. A common thread I've seen is a discontent (I'd even go so far as to say anger in a lot of cases) of adult adoptees. These issues really stem with a crisis of identity. In no way to I want to discredit real, honest feelings of adoptees. But I must question some of what I have read.

I've seen this angst particularly with cross cultural adoptions. They are angry with their parents for taking them from their culture. I have even (repeatedly) seen comments like "I wish I would have stayed in the orphanage with people who look like me rather than be adopted and taken away from my heritage." I've also seen people make generalized statements that if parents can't put a child in a school with a certain percentage of (whatever ethnicity...I'll say Asian) students, those parents have no business adopting. So...a child is better off in an orphanage than in a small town? I've even seen one (I'm sure well-meaning) adult adoptee twist Scripture and cast curses on those who would "rip a child from his mother's womb."

Are there still problems with adoption? YES. Would a child be best with biological parents? If at all possible (but not necessarily always...look at our foster care system.) But I also know that international adoption today is not like it was 30 years ago.

I really do feel for these adult adoptees who are struggling with identity issues. It makes me a bit anxious for what Dayna will face as an adult. I certainly hope that she won't hate me because we adopted her and brought her to small-town Nebraska.

But then I think...if anyone is searching for their identity outside of Christ, they will always be disappointed. I KNOW that adoption is a good thing. I know that it is a Biblical thing. And if God has orchestrated the hearts of countless officials, sometimes literally moving heaven and earth to unite families, then adoption must be part of His plan for the lives of so many people.

And so I pray for wisdom for myself, and contentment in an identity grounded in Christ for these unhappy people.

Do I have all the answers? Absolutely not. But I'm so glad I know the One who gave us all the answers.

My Story

Tomorrow, I'm having a 25th Birthday celebration. I hope this will be a time of worship and praise for what God has done not only in my life, but in the lives of my friends. I've asked my friends to share a brief story of something God has done in their lives. Here's mine (not very brief, but hardly everything I need to say, either.)
It’s amazing to look back at 25 years of life in Christ. I don’t even know where to begin as I think of the lessons He’s taught me along the way, the blessings He’s so graciously given me and my family, and the times He’s carried me and held me close when I just couldn’t seem to take another step.

For some reason, God chose to give me the thorn of anxiety and depression. At various times in my faith, these have hit me with a vengeance. I even remember a slump when I refused to open my Bible for several months. I’m so glad God didn’t go through a similar slump and ignore me. When I was finally able to forgive a friend (whom I blamed for my slump), I saw that God had never really left me. I see that these times have prepared me for other trials by imprinting Scripture on my heart.

These lessons came back when I foolishly agreed to marry a man who was absolutely NOT the man God intended for me. After almost a year and half of being mistreated, God extracted me from this relationship.

As the initial shock wore off that day and the uncertainty about the future started to sink in, I called a friend for one of those heart-to-heart talks. I cried, I sighed in relief, I worried, and I asked my friend to pray. Knowing that sleep would probably not come to me that night, my friend opened the Bible and read these words to me over the phone:

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
2 My help comes from the LORD,
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

My friend gave me permission to sleep, knowing that God would keep the night watch for me.

You know, I ended up marrying my friend...

Early in our marriage, it became evident that becoming parents by traditional means was not a probability. By God’s grace, we realized that our plans for a family were shutting out God’s plans.

Meanwhile, Dan was working at Back to the Bible. After hearing the stories of a coworker who regularly traveled to China, the seeds of passion for the Chinese people were planted in his heart. In fact, Dan gave up his dream of getting a short wave radio for his birthday one year so he could send one to China instead.

During this time, I read the book Safely Home by Randy Alcorn. After reading this book, she was awakened many times in the middle of the night with the overwhelming need to pray for the people of China. “Why China?” I asked. The message gently came, “I have plans for you there.”

After about a year of separately praying for China, we visited a church in another town. The guest speaker was a missionary on furlough from China. After the service, one of us mentioned to the other (we forget who now), “I think God wants us to go to China.” Imagine our surprise when we realized that this desire had been planted in both of our hearts without the other’s knowledge.

We attended an informational meeting with the adoption meeting in November of 2003. The morning session was about international adoption (specifically Chinese); the afternoon was about domestic. We walked into this meeting open to whatever God would have us do. By the end of the day, we realized that God had brought our hearts to China “for such a time as this.”

Our adoption journey was bumpy, filled with detours and potholes, and often roadblocks where we would simply stop and wait on the Lord.

But holding my daughter today, I see that she was EXACTLY the child God planned for our family, and that we are the parents she needs. I can’t imagine giving birth to a child whose personality and interests would complement our family more.

Today this little girl, who for reasons known only to God, survived the first few days of her life, has been hand-selected by Him to come to the United States, become a Wilson, and ultimately be part of His family. On February 8, 2009, Dayna asked Jesus to be her savior.

Somehow, God has seen fit to entrust us with a child who has a compassionate heart, especially toward others. At least once a week, we hear her wish to grow up and go to China so she can tell people about Jesus. She prays for people who worship Buddha, that they would know Jesus is the only true God.

She also cares very much about orphans. Last fall, she enthusiastically wanted to give food to hungry kids in Africa and reluctantly shared one dollar to send to them. Through word of mouth (but ultimately God’s purposes), that dollar stretched and grew to over 1,000 dollars, providing over 4,000 meals to children in Sierra Leone. To further impact her little heart, we had the chance to physically package many of the meals that were sent to these children.

These are just a few stories of God’s faithfulness in my life. We’ve seen God provide through unemployment (and underemployment). We’ve experienced the heartache of leaving a church that we took part in planting. We’ve learned to depend on God’s Word alone as the authority of our lives. We’ve also learned to depend on those Words for comfort, conviction and daily Spiritual nourishment.

My story began in God’s heart in eternity past. My physical life began 9 months before I was born. My eternal life began 25 years ago when a faithful teenager shared the story of my sin, God’s grace, and Christ’s sacrifice. I’m so glad my parents sent me to Bible Camp that year.

I only pray that through these past 25 years, and however many more the Lord gives me here on earth, I can likewise be as faithful as that high school volunteer. I pray God gives me the courage and compassion to share what He’s done for me, and what He longs to do for others.

How Can You Help?

Obviously, the plight of orphans is dear to my heart. As we have worked with starting an orphan ministry at our church (http://firstfreehopeforchildren.blogspot.com), we hear so many comments along the lines of "I could never adopt" or "our family is complete." I'm not going to dispute or argue God's call on families. But I do maintain that Scripture is pretty clear about caring for orphans. No, everyone isn't called to adopt, but we are all commanded to take care of orphans throughout the Bible.

This morning, I received a message out of the blue from a college friend, who is now a music therapist in California. She gets it:

I was brainstorming while listening to KLOVE and driving today trying to think of how I can make a difference. I have also had all the orphans around the world on my mind since following Sofia and a number of families on their journeys.

Do you know if the various adoption agencies have ever sent various therapists into the orphanages? I was thinking it would be really cool to band together a group of therapists including Music Therapists, Physical Therapists, Speech Therapists, Occupational Therapists, and Infant Educators to go an visit the orphanages for a period of time and work with the children. It would also be cool to organize fundraisers to leave equipment, materials, etc that could be left for those children to utilize.

I am familiar with Reese's Rainbow, are there other agencies like this that would be open to exploring some options. I don't know if adoption is right for our family or not but doing our part to reach these children by providing interaction and some hope through Music Therapy and other therapies would be a cool new avenue that would open the eyes of many to the world of adoption and what these orphanages are like. Any suggestions? I would love to shoot for doing something next summer.

I sent her a little information, and I'm praying that the wheels will start turning quickly for her. What an amazing heart! Thanks, Bessie.