DNA

Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't change a thing. I can't imagine a day going by without Dayna in my life. The precious, funny, witty, smart, tender, compassionate child who has turned my world upside-down and inside-out.

When we made the decision to adopt, we never once thought we were settling for second best. The whole "if we can't get pregnant, we can always adopt" scenario never described us.

But the fact is, we did try to conceive a child first. However, after several years, we came to the realization that we were wasting resources, effort and money when there was probably a child out there who needed us NOW.

It was a no-brainer for us to start the adoption process and enter our "paper pregnancy." However, we also had to let go of the dream of looking into a little face and wondering if he had daddy's nose, or mommy's eyes...would her hair be curly like mommy's, or *shudder* bald like daddy's? We had to come to the realization that we will probably never look into the face of our descendants and see any trace of our genetic material in them.

Once the decision was made, it seemed as though we never looked back and considered these factors again. Until a few weeks ago...I was reading a list of random facts posted by a girl I once knew. She was adopted as an infant from Korea, and had shared that she had never seen a person who shared her genetic material until she first looked into the eyes of her son. It had never dawned on me that while I had to let go of the possibility of never seeing my genetics in my future generations, my daughter never had a choice about seeing it in her previous generations. She will never look into another face quite like hers until, God willing, she gives birth to a child of her own someday.

So while genetics seem to be stopping with me, I still have my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, nieces, nephews, etc. I don't imagine that I will *ever* be in a position where there isn't someone around who shares my DNA. Dayna, on the other hand, is starting completely from scratch.

I wonder how we'll be able to help her through her questions of identity down the road. I pray God gives me the wisdom...