Saturday, January 31, 2015

Being Present

This is a tough lesson for me. There are so many other things to do, that I'm not good about laying it all down and just enjoying the moment. I'm trying to make a more conscious effort of that. I'm rearranging some of my routines, and I'm letting a lot of things go for the moment.

And in choosing to be present rather than giving into the tyranny of the not-so-urgent, my eyes are opening to some pretty positive changes.

The biggest one I've noticed is with Annie. We've really come a long way together. Now that she has a big bed, we can snuggle together at bedtime. In those quiet moments, when I'm not letting myself be in a hurry to accomplish the next task, I'm finding myself singing more. Telling more stories. Praying out loud. Connecting to my daughter's heart. I'd like to say she's more cooperative and making better choices - but the opposite is probably true. And what I'm finding as my eyes are open is that she's testing my limits more than ever - because she's trusting me more and waiting to see what I will do. She's finding a mom who is calmer (most of the time) and more consistent. She's running to me for comfort and wanting to spend more time with me. We're playing trains together while the kitchen floor remains unmopped. We're building towers while the laundry sits in the basket. Her vocabulary is exploding and the ideas tumbling out of her head are delighting us all. In a nutshell - she's making some pretty incredible progress, and so am I.

I'm not getting as stressed about unforeseen circumstances. I'm somehow finding time to accomplish more than I did before. My outlook has become one of looking for God and finding gratitude and grace rather than indulging in my selfishness and pity-parties.

I know - this is all stuff I already knew. I'm not posting anything earth-shattering or life-changing. But it's definitely a change in my heart, and I'm finding my outlook filled with more hope than it has in awhile.

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