Monday, March 31, 2014

The Safest Place?

I'm sure I've heard more than once in my life that the safest place to be is in God's hands. Another variation is that the safest place to be is in the middle of God's will.


Because sometimes, I think it's flat-out terrifying.

I know that God will keep in perfect peace those whose hearts are steadfast. I know that He will raise us up on eagle's wings. I know that He is an eternal refuge. I know that He leaves peace with us - not as the world gives.

But when we're in the center of His will, we're vulnerable to attack - whether it's our own anxieties or attacks from Satan himself. The center of His will is where the storm will rage.

I'm not in the middle of a raging storm right now, but I'm certain I'm in His will - and I'm bracing myself for what may come. I sent a letter today. In it, I submitted my official resignation for the job I was offered 2 weeks before my wedding. The job I trained for since I was five years old. The job I loved.

But about 3 years ago, it was made clear that I needed to step back. I took two years' leave of absence. In those years, God has made it clear that I'm not supposed to return. And so today, I signed and sealed the letter (and made Dan put it in the mail - no turning back.)

It's scary. I had the opportunity to return - full salary and benefits. We'd be able to make ends meet again (and maybe even get ahead!) But at what cost to our family? God's provided for our family the last two years without that salary or those benefits. But I will never be able to replace this time with our family. And my emotional state when I'm with them is so much better than it has been in years. I know for a time I was called to work full-time outside the home. And those days (for now) are over.

The day may come again when I stand in front of "my" students in "my" classroom, teaching "my" plans - but for now, it's okay to borrow someone else's students, classroom and plans - to say goodbye at the end of the day - and to be able to give all of me to my family.

I'm scared. I've left behind "earthly" security. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt this is God's will.

1 comment:

Paula said...

Very scary; you are brave. And you will never regret it.