Choosing Forgiveness

Why God? Why do you have to teach me this lesson AGAIN!?! Just when I think I have it figured out...that monster of bitterness and anger shows his ugly head again.

I thought in leaving my job for a time that I could leave certain people as well. The problem...they still have a hold on me. I'm still angry. I'm hurt. I don't want to give it up...they've wronged me and they deserve to pay.

Wait up there, Alaina. What about you? What do you deserve, if you're really honest? And yet Christ didn't hold a grudge against you.

I know it's tired and cliched...but it's also true. When I choose not to forgive, it's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I need to trust God to deal with the people who have mistreated me...and I need to offer them grace and forgiveness. (That doesn't necessarily mean opening myself up to be wounded again. Then again, it might if that's what God desires.)

I'm working my way through the book "Choosing Forgiveness" again by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It's not a pleasant read. In fact...I'm kind of stalling. But I know that my heart needs this. I will never be able to move on from this past year until I let God sift out some of the hurts and thorns that keep my heart from healing.

And so...to that person who I've allowed to keep opening old wounds...whose voice of LIES keeps echoing in my head...I give you back to God. Again. And again. And again. I pray that whatever hurts may be causing your heart to crush those around you...that the Lord would wrap that heart in His gentle hands and allow you to heal. I won't let your words and criticism and condescension rule my thoughts and heart anymore. I release you.

Again.

And again.