Lessons I'm Learning - Part Four (Showing Up)

This new chapter is hard. Incredibly hard. I end up in tears most days...sometimes by lunch. I know in my heart that I am a good teacher, but right now, I'm not teaching. I'm disciplining. Often. And usually not very well. I made the mistake of finally getting around to reading the farewell cards my former students wrote for me. They were incredibly touching. 2 boys bought me iTunes gift cards with their own money. Another girl wrote the lyrics to a song I taught last year (Red River Valley): From this valley they say you are going / I shall miss your bright eyes and sweet smile / for alas, you have taken the sunshine / that has brightened my pathway awhile. Another boy who sat for years doing nothing in music class told me "when you go, the fun leaves, too." (His card was quite possibly one of the longest things he's written at school...writing has not been his strong suit, and like music, he has spent years avoiding it.) I sat crying at the memory of so many kids whose lives were changed...kids I truly loved, and who loved me back. Then I thought about the new kids...many who don't seem to even want to give me a chance; who are pushing me away and not letting me love them.

The face of one sweet 5th grade boy from my last school keeps coming across my mind. He took my departure particularly hard. For many reasons that I can't really share here, he holds a very special place in my heart. I realized that I didn't make a difference to him overnight. I just kept showing up. It wasn't always easy. He wasn't always easy. But I kept showing up, and eventually, made a difference.

And so for these new students who don't want to give me a chance, I just need to keep showing up. God can't use me if I don't. It won't happen overnight...and honestly, after 3 weeks, I'm not seeing much progress. I honestly wonder if anything will change in the next 14 weeks. But it won't get better if I don't show up. Sometimes God grows us while we're plodding along.