Thursday, May 31, 2012

Wondering Why

It's been a few months of mourning. Grieving the loss of students I love. Letting memories settle into corners of my heart. Realizing that friends I once had are friends no longer. All of this through no fault of my own. It seemed that every time I turned around, I was faced with more loss that I needed to process.

I was sharing with a new colleague some of the journey my heart has taken since Christmas. I know that God did not make this happen. He could have stopped it at any point along the way. But for some reason, I also know that He allowed this hiccup in my path. I told her that I might never know why God allowed it, and that I was trying to come to grips with what had happened.

About a week later, this new friend shared with me that she had been asking God the same questions about why my life took such a dramatic turn. I confess, it felt good to know that someone who was only beginning to get to know me cared enough to take me before the Throne in prayer. But then she told me that she thought she knew why this had all happened. "Enlighten me, please!" I begged.

Her response: "Because God knew that I needed you."

Even now, I have tears in my eyes thinking of the goodness of God. At the very time I was struggling with the loss of friends who may or may not have really been friends, God allowed me to share heart truths...tears and successes...with a new friend. One who saw the good, the bad and the ugly (more the last two than the first) in me and cares about me anyway.

And so I think of another Rich Mullins song, and I write these words for my new friend Susan:

And we both feel lost
But I remember what Susan said
How love is found in the things we've given up
More than in the things that we have kept
And ain't it funny what people say
And ain't it funny what people write
And ain't it funny how it hits you so hard
In the middle of the night
And if your home is just another place where you're a stranger
And far away is just somewhere you've never been
I hope that you'll remember, I was your friend

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