Thursday, May 24, 2012

Now That This Is All Ending...

After a two-year series of difficult events, ending with a nearly impossible (on my own, anyway) last five months, my life is facing a new direction. Effective in August, I will officially be on a Leave of Absence from a career I have loved. One that I was once very good at. But it has become increasingly evident that I can no longer effectively serve my family AND the needs of 700+ students at multiple schools.

While this transition is bittersweet, I admit to feeling a HUGE burden lifted, and a great amount of peace. Two of my three administrators have been supportive of this decision, and the new staff at one of my schools is really excited for me and the chapters that will be unfolding in the next year.

There's a lot unspoken in that last paragraph. I'll just say that the treatment I've received by others has left me dumbfounded and hurt beyond words. I've really struggled with some anger this week, when I realized that while I thought I was being virtuous for biting my tongue, my heart was definitely not right with God.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
    be pleasing in your sight,
    O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.(Psalm 19:14)

And while I have found some truly kind, dear friends these last four months (an entry for another day), I've become increasingly disenchanted with the number of people who are kind to my face and nasty behind my back. While carrying a box to my car on my last day of work, the words to part of an old Rich Mullins song, "Elijah" hit me square between the eyes:

There's people been friendly
But they'd never be your friends
Sometimes this has bent me to the ground
Now that this is all ending
I want to hear some music once again
'Cause it's the finest thing I have ever found 

So now that this has ended, I'm looking for my song once again. I'm gearing up for a different sort of daily quiet time this summer. Part of that will include meditation on hymns. And in that time of quiet meditation, I'm ready to hear some music once again!

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