Mary's Gift

This week in Bible Study, we talked about Mary (the sister of Lazarus and Martha) and her extravagant gift. She "wasted" a bottle of expensive perfume to wash Jesus' feet. Judas was outraged. "How dare she waste money on this perfume when the money could have gone to the poor!" he said (when he was really thinking, "I could have sold that perfume and pocketed the money.")

The thought came out in our lesson that Judas' outburst, although seemingly innocent, was wrong on so many levels. He was devaluing our Lord, he had hidden motives in his sinful heart, and he was crushing the generous spirit of Mary.

The question was asked of us, "Who has criticized your gift to Jesus?" This came at a difficult time for me...let me share what happened.

There has been a difficult situation in my group this year. In trying to encourage a woman to get the most out of the Bible and time with God, it backfired. Some very hurtful things were said both to me and about me to our administration team. I spoke with our teaching leader, who assured me that there was nothing I had said or done to merit her words, and encouraged me to submit weekly prayer requests for this woman so we can see God work.

Two weeks in, another leader singled me out in a meeting. I know her intentions were to encourage me, but I really felt like I was called out in front of the rest of the class. The words that were meant to encourage really felt more like I wasn't doing enough. While the leader meant well, she didn't know the full story, and her thoughts weren't really relevant to what was going on. So, instead of being encouraged, I felt criticized and even more like I was failing my group and the woman in particular.

I've prayed about this, and I'm still praying that God will remove the grain of hurt that keeps rubbing me the wrong way to the point of irritation. I've searched my heart and asked God to show me the speck of truth I need to get from the leader's words. Honestly, I've done what I was trained to do, and I have said what the Holy Spirit led me to say. I come up with no other explanation than that Satan was using these words at a time when I was already low to issue another blow.

I can't say that my service is extravagant like Mary's. I can't say that everything I do is with pure motives. What I do know is that lately it seems I've been giving and caring and encouraging and pouring myself out. Instead of being filled, I'm really just feeling drained.

Holy Spirit...fill me again.